


It's not fine

by PsychoKillerWolf



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Aoiha - Freeform, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Loss, M/M, One sided uruki, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Love, Sad, Visual Kei, aoi - Freeform, ruki - Freeform, rukiha, the GazettE - Freeform, uruha - Freeform, uruki - Freeform, ururuki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-22 23:08:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13774557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PsychoKillerWolf/pseuds/PsychoKillerWolf
Summary: Ruki has always loved Uruha... but he lost his chance with him when Aoi joined the band.But it's fine





	It's not fine

_Remember that time.. when you used to look at me with those warm glowing eyes of yours, when you smiled brighter than the stars and melt my icy heart? You always teased me in your own mysterious way. Confusing me, and leaving me there not knowing what to think. I never complained though._

 

_We were so close yet so far. We clearly made eye and body contact that was way beyond needed. Every touch, every look, every caress, every feeling that was coming through our eyes, burning with desire but looking away due to fear._

 

 _We used to hold hands and laugh like high-schoolers. We were just starting our careers, making soundless promises that we'd make our dreams come true...together._  
_We were so reckless and stupid. Two youngsters ready to take over the world without giving a shit about anything._

 

_Countless times we got waisted. Dead drunk. Perhaps we made out a few times, perhaps we didn't. It really saddens me you know? The fact that I have no memory of those moments to treasure. At least you don't seem to remember as well...or do you? Whatever the case is it doesn't matter. Not anymore._

 

_We were always stuck together like glue. Talking about everything. And when you were sad, when you had important issues with your family, I was there to listen and offer you my small shoulder to cry on when you just couldn't take it anymore._

 

_Every time I was late for practice you'd text me like crazy. Asking if I was ok. Telling me to get the hell up from the bed and that it was so boring there without me. I think I did that on purpose some times. I knew you cared about me but I was being realistic. For I also knew you'd never tell me the words I really needed to listen. The very same words I was desperately trying to say to you._

 

_And I get so mad every time I think about it. Not with you... with myself. I spent days cursing under my breath for it took me too long to realise, to understand my own feelings._

 

_So I collected myself. Decided to stop being such a coward and admit everything._

 

_But I was too late. You had already found someone who did that before I managed. And it hurts like hell to know that I ended up with nothing when I could have the whole world._

 

_But it's fine_

 

_Even though he took you away from me just like that._

 

_It's fine_

 

_That you no longer ask if I'm ok when I'm late for practice. Because you've got more important people to worry about. I've lost way more than my love interest, my best friend, my real family but it's ok as long as you're happy._

 

_It's fine_

 

_That the two of you smile at eachother and hold hands without caring who's watching. Especially when that someone is me._

 

_It's fine_

 

_When you two exchange those looks... Just like we used to do. I miss you. I miss the way you looked at me, smiled at me, I miss everything we ever had and everythibg we could ever have._

 

_It's fine_

 

_That you don't need me around anymore to hold you in my arms and tell you that everything is going to be alright when the world gets too heavy for you to bear._

 

_It's fine_

 

_That even though I'm dying inside I fake a smile because I don't want to make you worry...and because I fear that if I let it all out, you'll not even turn to look at me._

 

_It's fine_

 

_When he pulls you towards the exit and you excuse yourself because it's 'something important' yet the whole room knows that he just wants some privacy in order to press his lips against your sweet ones._

 

_It's fine_

 

_That he's the one to make you happy, not me. That he's the one you can't wait to see every day, not me. That he is the one who owns your body and soul, not me._

 

_It's fine_

 

_That my heart aches every monent I see you or think about you, knowing that only in my dreams I can be truly happy._

 

_It's fine_

 

_That still after all this time, you still are the only one who owns my heart. I love you. And it hurts so much that I can almost feel a burning knife piercing my chest. That most of my nights I cry myself to sleep._

 

_It's fine_

 

_Even the very fact that I know I've probably lost you forever. That we can never be and that every weaking moment, I'm desperatelly trying not to break down again, trying to convince myself that it's fine...._

 

_Another day is over. Another sleepless night is to come. I dig my fingers into the pillow and close my eyes tightly as I feel my emotions escaping my eyes and run hot down my cheeks once again..._

 

_....It's not fine_


End file.
